


All is Not Lost

by shhhhhh



Series: Chasefield Moments & Adventures [3]
Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 00:17:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7954630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shhhhhh/pseuds/shhhhhh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Victoria fucks up and shit happens</p>
            </blockquote>





	All is Not Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This one isn't very fluffy....

The loud thumping music interrupts your thoughts. You guess that the DJ had just dropped the bass? But you aren’t sure. You’ve never heard bass drops before. Not until now, at your first Vortex party. Everyone around you, nerds included, go crazy with their mashing bodies and bopping heads. You lean further back against the wall, trying to fade away from the discomfort and aggressive music or beat or whatever the hell this is.

You think you shouldn’t have come. It’s not your place to be here and you shouldn’t have let yourself be pressured into this.

_“But I promise everything is going to be fine and you’re gonna have fun!”_

“ _What’s fun about crazy jocks, sweaty bodies and thundering music?”_

_“I don’t know, the thrill and adrenaline?”_

_“The loneliness on the sidelines?” So you’ve recently learnt to open up and be honest._

_“Max, once I make sure everything’s running smoothly I’m going to find you right away and we’re going to have fun together.”_

You take a sip of your pseudo alcohol (you added way too much ice) as you sidestep some flailing bodies. _Gross_ , you think to yourself as you see Brooke and Warren go at it. _He’s all yours_. At least you managed to clarify your indifference to his pursuits a couple of weeks back. You swear that Victoria was ready to bite the poor nerd’s head off at one point.

Now you can’t tell if you miss the attention or Victoria’s jealousy. Or Victoria. It’s been about an hour into the party and you’ve yet to see your secret girlfriend. You knew there was a possibility she’d get too busy with managing the party tonight, you’ve prepared yourself for the disappointment. But it was a disappointment no less.

The DJ switches the song to a calmer one and the vibe of the party follows suit. You decide that you have had enough of waiting around and leave the wall of comfort you were leaning on. You set your mind to get at least one dance with Victoria before the night is over or coming to the party would have been a complete waste of time. You scour the calmer sea of bodies as quickly as you can before the new tide comes in and drowns you.

You push through some hugging bodies, earning grunts and curses, but you couldn’t care less. You were on a mission and they were in your way. You rewind time at least twice to save some bodies from falling into the pool that made up seventy percent of the hall. _Why would you even host a party at a pool area?_ You suppose you’d have to ask Victoria later.

You don’t recognize most of the people in the crowd and wonder if the majority of Blackwell’s population just do not attend classes or if everyone else has the same kind of relationship as you. As though having a secret partner is the in-thing right now and everyone has brought a plus one. As though it is a god damn trend. _Or maybe_ , and you are afraid to think this, _people have social lives outside of Blackwell_. Because you sure as hell don’t. The last time you tried to get one, you found yourself stuck in a cult-like meeting with Kate where they said prayers for every other Blackwell person you knew.

 _“Victoria,” you see Kate pull her name from the jar that was being passed around. You purse your lips and look down._ This is so damn weird _, you think._ “ _Dear God,”_ Oh God. _“I know that Victoria isn’t the nicest person in Blackwell, but Lord I pray that you watch over her regardless. She’s always angry and she seems troubled,”_ Huh, _you think that she’s never appeared troubled to you._

Someone crashes into you by accident, knocking your drink out of your hand. As your eyes follow the trail of your flying drink, you spot Victoria’s golden hair in the distance. She’s standing on the other side of the pool, Nathan’s hands on her waist. She looks a little bit tipsy, but you can’t be sure, and her hands are on his shoulders. One part of your brain interprets that she’s trying to push Nathan away, but is too high to do it properly. The other part of your brain thinks she’s dancing with him. But again, you can’t be sure.

“Hey!” You hear someone call out to you. He’s actually right in front of you now, but you are too busy watching Victoria. Nathan is leaning in and you are sure that something is going to happen but you are interrupted by a hand meeting the side of your face and a wild scream goes off next to you. “Fuck you! Can’t hold onto your drink, bitch?” You feel the entire impact of the punch and fall back into the crowd of bodies behind you. You freeze time for a second, though a second too late.

“Fuck,” you groan in pain as you feel the part of your jaw where the hit had land. Yes, it hurts like fuck. The see the faces of the people you have just been leaning on and they are in shock. You don’t recognize the asshole who had just hit you, but as you look across the pool, you see that you’ve gotten both Victoria and Nathan’s attention – Victoria looking right at you, worry in her eyes and Nathan looking pissed at the interruption. You wonder…

You start rewinding time. The crowd behind you goes from shocked faces and flailing arms to happy faces and flailing arms. You see the asshole’s arm retract and you rewind to the part where he’s just about to take a shower. Nathan is leaning so close to Victoria now. So damn close. This is where you unfreeze time.

“Hey!” Asshole shouts. Nathan’s face is a breath away from Victoria’s. Asshole throws a punch, which you avoid entirely by leaning back. Asshole stumbles forward and you hear a splash as his body hits the pool. Nathan’s lips are on Victoria’s and you start counting the seconds. One, two, three, four…

Thirteen whole seconds.

You freeze time again. Now you have two pains to deal with and you are unsure which one hurts more. You can’t tell how bad your jaw is but you know that your heart is wrecked. You start rewinding again. You are unsure how long you should rewind for. You wish for once that your own experiences could be rewound. You see wet Asshole go through the Time Dryer and is back at the punch of the century checkpoint. Nathan’s face is an inch away from Victoria’s again. God you hate that jerk so much.

You rewind a little bit more but feel your world start to crumble. Cue nosebleed. The insides of your drink threaten to shower Asshole yet again but you can’t rewind anymore. You don’t have it in you. Now you are faced with two decisions: Be punched again or watch the love of your life swap saliva with your arch nemesis. It’s not really a hard one.

 

\--

 

“Max?”

You’re standing on the rooftop of the dorms. Your head is pounding from the sum of rewinding too much and being punched in the face twice. You’re pretty sure you look like shit. You look down and there is some remnants of nosebleed on your shirt and you feel your left jaw swelling like a hamster hoarding food. You look back up and see Kate’s innocent eyes, full of worry.

She’s sitting on the ledge of the roof, a bible in her lap, wide open. The bible wide open. Not her laps. You shake your head, trying to clear it or the pain that surrounds it because it hurts just as much as every other thing. But, that doesn’t work.

“Max, what happened?” Kate shuts her bible and starts to get off the ledge.

“Hold up, I’ll join you,” you say as you walk over to her. You feel Kate’s hand on yours as your hoist yourself onto the ledge. You feel her eyes on you, but you keep yours down. “What are you doing up here?” You ask before she can say anything.

Kate lets out a chuckle. “I should be asking you that, Max,” You look up briefly to see a worried smile on lips. “I always come out here to read my bible. I feel closest to God up here. Like, there’s something about this rooftop.”

“I remember church saying something about God being omnipresent?”

“Well, yes. But I have less distractions up here. Plus the view and breeze is pretty nice,” You look up and find that Kate is right. The stars seem to shine brighter up here and the surrounding trees seem to sway as if to calm your nerves. You close your eyes and lift your head, letting the breeze gently blow against your hair. It’s as if nature is trying to soothe you. Kate seems to understand.

“I think I understand why God allows sin to happen,” you break the silence after a while. You feel Kate raise her eyebrows in question, but continue anyway. “Because if he doesn’t let it happen anyway, he knows we’d still sin if we could? And that would hurt just as much.” Kate is still silent, probably pondering the topic. Or wondering why you brought it up at all. “At least he can forgive us after we actually sin,” you say quietly.

“Max,” you look up at Kate, her eyes still full of worry, a deep frown on her face. “What happened at the party?”

“It’s a long-”

“Max!” The both of you turn to see Victoria running – or walking really, _really_ fast in heels – towards you. You make a mental note that she’s still pretty damn adequate in chasing down criminals in heels, should she ever need to. “Max,” she takes a deep breath, “What the fuck happened, I saw the guy fucking hit you and I flipped and I swam over,” you notice that she is dripping wet for the first time, “But you were gone but he was still there so I punched him and this bitch started screaming so I punched her and the guy who had punched you, who I’d just punched, grabbed me so I kicked him in the damn balls and oh my god I hope it hurts like hell and then I pushed him into the water and –“

“– Punctuation, Vic,” you interrupt.

“Baby, I was just so worried.”

“Baby?” You see Kate bounce looks from you to Victoria and back again.

“Okay, I think we need to stop right here.” You see Victoria open her mouth in protest as you start rewinding time. You don’t rewind much, because your head hurts enough already.

“– then I pushed him into the water and came to look for you,” You let Victoria finish this time.

“Thanks for the talk, Kate,” you hop off the ledge and drag Victoria by the arm. She’s protesting and bombarding you with questions and you march her off the rooftop and back into your dorms. She’s still fuming and cursing the Asshole when you reach the spot between your rooms. “Victoria, that’s enough.” You cut her abruptly. She looks hurt, but you try not to care. At this point, you don’t really want to care about anything. “I’ve had a horrible night.”

“Look, Max, I’m sorry I took so long –“  

“– I just want to take a long shower now and get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow if I see you.” You open the door to your room and slam it shut on Victoria’s face. You feel a little guilty, but it was mildly satisfying. _Fuck it all_ , you think as you plop onto your bed. You fall asleep before you even realize.

 

\--

 

A gentle knock on the door stirs you from your sleep. The sun hasn’t fully risen yet and shadows still play on the walls of your room. You sit up slowly and yawn. You’re still dressed in your dark jeans and flannel shirt from last night. Victoria had bought you that shirt because she thought you looked badass in it. “You should wear something that portrays you better,” she had said.

You start unbuttoning your shirt because fuck Victoria and your memories of her. You need to shower, you can think of her then. If you want to think of her at all. You dump your shirt on the bed and pull on a plain t-shirt before proceeding to the door. Your reflection in the mirror catches your eye and you stop to look at yourself. Surprisingly, you look pretty good given what's happened. Well, you still look pretty shit, but you had expected worse. The swelling on your jaw isn’t that obvious, but your nose is still stained by blood. That part was a little gross.

Someone knocks on your door again. You’d forgotten that that’s what woke you in the first place. You open the door a peep and see Victoria standing there, arms folded and a little nervous. _Oh my god, not now_. You shut the door instantly. “Max,” you hear her call your name. Her voice sounded weak and you realized that she looked like she’d been crying. “Max, please.” You lean your back against the door and slide to the floor, burying your head between your knees. You think that you need more time alone. You need time to yourself to think. You’re still unsure of how to feel about last night, even though you’ve already felt a lot.

You hear Victoria knock once more before you feel her weight against your door as she leans on it. You realize she must be confused as fuck. Technically, she did not kiss Nathan in this timeline. She must think you’re overreacting for not finding you sooner at the party. _Yesterday was such a mess_ , you think to yourself. _You_ are such a mess. You sigh and stand up to open your door. You see Victoria stumble a little because her head was resting on the door. She bites on her bottom lip as she looks at you expectantly. “You gonna come in or not?” You ask impatiently. A hurt look crosses her face, but she steps in before you shut the door on her again.

You grab your shirt and dump it on the floor before sitting on the bed and lying backwards. You rest your head on your hands, the way Chloe usually does, and stare at the ceiling. You decide you want to be more like Chloe, all carefree and no restrictions. You want to stop having to give a damn about the people around you and the one standing right in front of you.

Because fuck love. What has love ever done for you, but give you constant stress and worry? How many times have the people closest to you let you down? Your parents moved you away from your friends only to have you move back alone five years later. Your best friend is always getting you into damn trouble and your own girlfriend is ashamed of telling the world about you. You feel an unknown rage boil inside of you. Rage you’d never felt before, rage that you never knew you had. You have half the mind to go ape shit in your room right now. Right in front of Victoria. Victoria who’s still looking at you, looking a little hurt and unsure.

She takes a hesitant step towards you and slowly sits down on the bed, not quite next to you, but at a safer distance. You could flip right now. Tell her what a lousy girlfriend she’s been. Tell her how you know you’re not important to her. How you’ll never be important to her as long as she hangs out with stupid people like Nathan. As long as she gives a shit about stupid things like her reputation and the Vortex Club. You could tell her to fuck off right now and never speak to you again. But you simply close your eyes, take a deep breath and exhale with a sigh. _Damn you passive aggressive, non-confrontational weakling_ , you scold yourself.

“I’m really sorry about last night, Max,” Victoria finally says. You open your eyes to look at her, make sure she’s being sincere. But of course she is. Her eyes tell that she feels guilty, that she’s been worried sick since last night’s incident. “I should’ve found you earlier,” she looks down, internally beating herself up.

“Why didn’t you?” You prop yourself up and lean on your elbows. “Were you busy with something? _Someone_ maybe?” Victoria looks at you, eyes wide open, deer caught in the headlights. You weren’t giving her chance today, you weren’t backing down.

“You saw us,” It wasn’t a question, more like a realization. “Nothing happened.” Your eyes narrow at her. “I know it looks bad, but nothing _really_ happened.”

“God damn it, Vic, you kissed him!” Victoria flinches and stands up.

“I did no such thing!” She folds her arms, angry at your wild accusation.

“I watched you kiss him. I saw the whole thing. For thirteen whole seconds.”

“Max, I’ve never kissed Nathan, not once, since we’ve got together!”

“So what, you both used to be fuck buddies before? Why am I not surprised?”

“How is that a crime?” Victoria throws her arms in the air. “Not everyone is a virgin like you,” you gasp right here and you see Victoria cover her own mouth in shock. “I’m sorry, Max, I didn’t mean –“

“– fuck you, Victoria. I’m sorry I wasn’t a slut before I met you. And I did watch you trade fucking saliva with Nathan, but I rewound time because it was the worse fucking thing I’ve had to watch in my life. I even let myself get punched in the face a second time just to distract the both of you. You know my powers. Why else would I have let myself get punched in front of the entire school?”

Victoria stays silent and stunned. She ignores the tears that are free falling from her eyes as she processes your words. You let your own tears go freely too, just as you have your hurt and anger. You think that you could just rewind now and save yourself from this uncomfortable conversation. But then you’d be back to square one, still full of hurt and anger, but with an oblivious Victoria. At least she knows now.

“I don’t really know what to say, Max,” Victoria begins, her voice trembling, “I don’t think there’s anything I can say to make this okay.” You feel more tears escape you, because that’s not what you wanted to hear. You don’t know what you want to hear exactly, but that wasn’t it. “I don’t – I don’t know if I kissed Nathan, but you say that I did and I’m not really surprised it’s true,” she looks you in the eye. “It’s just too confusing. You’re telling me of something that I did wrong, but I didn’t really, but I know I probably would have or did do anyway?”

“I’m confused too,” You lie back down on your bed and rub your eyes furiously. You’d never have expect that using your powers would be this confusing. “I guess I don’t really know how angry I should be too,” you sigh. “I just am.”

“He doesn’t mean anything to me.”

“Didn’t look like that yesterday.”

“Max, look at me,” Victoria asks and you obey reluctantly. “I know I should’ve gotten to you sooner, but Nathan brought me a drink from his own stash and it got me really high, really quickly. I know it’s not an excuse, but I was looking for you and I couldn’t find you. The dance floor was crazy crowded and Nathan bumped into me again before I found you. By that time, I was crazy tipsy and before I knew it, he had his hands on my waist and we were dancing. I never meant for any of that to happen, he’s not anywhere near as important to me as you are,” Victoria’s voice breaks here, “I – I wasn’t thinking straight. I know I should have been, but I just wasn’t and I’m truly sorry,” Now Victoria is crying softly.

You watch quietly as the love of your life explains herself. You feel your emotions fight each other within yourself. You feel your anger flourish before your sympathy seeps in and hurt takes over. Then you feel guilt overwhelm you. Guilt for putting Victoria through such agony and keeping her in the dark even though you knew that she was worried sick. But you’re still unsure. How do you reconcile the fact that she _would_ have kissed Nathan given the circumstance? You watch Victoria for a moment, her one arm crossed and the other hand shading her eyes as if to hide from your judgment.

You stop thinking so much and sit up on your bed. You reach forward and touch Victoria gently on her elbow. She looks at you from under her hand as you pull her closer. You reach up and pull her hand away so you can look at her entirely. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying, not just today but also from the night before. Fresh tears line her face and you realize that she isn’t wearing makeup. It’s funny that you find her just as pretty. You tug her towards you and she kneels between your knees. You lean forward and wrap your arms around her shoulders as she wraps hers around your waist.

The both of you stay like that for a long while, neither of you wanting to move, neither of you wanting to deal with this confrontation any longer. When you do break the hug, you place your hand under her chin and lift her head to look at you. Both your eyes trade the words that weren’t said.

“ _I’m sorry, Max.”_

_“I forgive you, Vic.”_

“I can’t believe you swam across the pool,” you do say. Victoria starts to laugh and her eyes start to tear again. You smile, truly happy to see her laughing, and lean down for a kiss. Her lips meet yours halfway and her hands are on your face almost immediately. The kiss is wild and passionate. It feels as if you’d both returned to each other after parting to faraway lands a long ago time. You feel as if you’d almost lost this forever and you wonder why you were so damn angry in the first place. The both of you break from the kiss and Victoria rests her forehead against yours.

“I never want to hurt you again,” she says softly. You open your eyes and gaze into hers. “Max, I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

“You don’t have to,” you say. Love overwhelms you and you feel stray tears fall from your eyes. Victoria wipes them away and kisses you again. This kiss is soft and affectionate because you both realize how delicate this thing you both share is. How easily it could be broken and lost if taken for granted. You feel her soft lips massage yours as her hands move to the back of your neck. She pushes herself into you as gently as possible, wanting for more of you, taking in as much of you as she can. She makes you feel irresistible and her tongue seems to beg you for more. You give as much as you can and your arms are around her body, pulling just as much as she’s pushing.

When you both finally part, Victoria is frowning again. “We need to get you cleaned up,” she touches the under of your nose, where the blood has dried. “I fucking hope I gave that asshole worse, but you actually look pretty bad.”

“Thanks,” you roll your eyes as she laughs again. _God it’s so good to hear her laugh_. “I kinda want to continue kissing you though,” you hug her tightly.

“Max, it’s like 6pm, I think you’re way overdue for a shower.”

“Holy shit, I thought it was still early morning.”

“You pretty much slept through your entire Saturday. That’s why I came to check on you,” Victoria gets off you and pulls you up from the bed. “Do you want to sneak out of campus after your shower? Maybe get an awesome dinner somewhere?”

“Hella yes!” You jump excitedly. “Two Whales?”

Victoria rolls her eyes, “Fine, but I get to join you in the shower.”

“Sure, that’s not even a trade. Just sounds like more win for me,” You wiggle your eyebrows cheekily. “You have very poor trading skills.”

“And you have very poor taste in food.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Real life has been a little bit tough for me recently and this was the only piece of writing I could output. Thanks for the kudos so far, glad you guys enjoyed the other two pieces.


End file.
